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Did Y'all Hear....


Stoney

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1 hour ago, ManCaveDweller said:

An Aggie is given a math test.......his 9's...he is sweating bullets......he can't remember ANYTHING about his 9's...he knows 1 x its self is that number so 9...but he can't remember anything else about his 9's...so he counts how many he is going to miss on the test

9x2=1                                                                                                                                                                              8

9x3=2                                                                                                                                                                              7

9x4=3                                                                                                                                                                              6

9x5=4                                                                                                                                                                              5

9x6=5                                                                                                                                                                              4

9x7=6                                                                                                                                                                              3

9x8=7                                                                                                                                                                               2

9x9=8                                                                                                                                                                               1

then he tries again and STILL can't remember anything so he recounts how many he will miss on the test.........???

 

I know CORNY....CORNY....but gets those Aggies ALL riled up!!!!!!:woot::woot:

Must be a good candidate for A&M.  Took me a minute to get the columns together  :headbang:

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  • 2 weeks later...

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, Please come over here and help me.  I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out, or even how to get started.  The boyfriend ask, What is it suppose to be when it's finished?  The blonde replied, According to the picture on the box it's suppose to be a tiger.  After a moment, the boyfriend decides to go over and help.

The blonde let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread out all over the table.  He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then looked at her and said, First of all, no matter what we do, we're never going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.  Secondly, I want you to relax...... Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate, and then......he sighed......Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.

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St. Patrick's cathedral in NYC has a monthly seminar for married men, where they go to share how to strengthen their marriages.  At the last session, after the Priest had started the meeting with the usual prayer, he looked at the men in attendance.  His eyes came to rest on Tony Fascillio who was nearing his 50th anniversary.  The Priest said, Tony, you've been married almost 50 years.  Get up man and tell us the secret to achieving this milestone.  

Tony stood and said, Well Father, I've always treated her kind.  I've always given her a lot of gifts.  And on our 25th anniversary, I took her to Europe.

The Priest said, That's just grand Tony, you're an inspiration to us all.  And just what have you planned for your 50th anniversary?

Tony proudly replied, Well Father, I thought I'd go back and pick her up.

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For you older fellows, I have a friend living up in Troup.  Talking to him on the phone yesterday, and we were discussing the trials and tribulations of old age.  He said, "You know, it's things we never thot about when we were young, like when I go to tie my shoes, I'm like a guy swimming underwater.  Ever now and then, I have to come up for air".  I started laughing, and could only add an amen.

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9 hours ago, REBgp said:

For you older fellows, I have a friend living up in Troup.  Talking to him on the phone yesterday, and we were discussing the trials and tribulations of old age.  He said, "You know, it's things we never thot about when we were young, like when I go to tie my shoes, I'm like a guy swimming underwater.  Ever now and then, I have to come up for air".  I started laughing, and could only add an amen.

:medal:GIVE THAT MAN A MEDAL.....Don't you know that's what Vel-cro is for!!!!!...well that and "penny" loafers....I even thought about "splurging" on one of those Easy on sock doo-hickeys

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  • 3 months later...
On 1/22/2018 at 3:13 PM, ManCaveDweller said:

:medal:GIVE THAT MAN A MEDAL.....Don't you know that's what Vel-cro is for!!!!!...well that and "penny" loafers....I even thought about "splurging" on one of those Easy on sock doo-hickeys

I’d be better off to start wearing my cowboy boots again for on and off, but I lose my balance in tennis shoes.  I couldn’t make the required 8 seconds in those old boots  :)

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A married lady fresh from a shower, stood in front of the mirror and complained to her husband that her breast were to small.  Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.  “If you want your breast to grow, then everyday take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.”  Her, willing to try anything, grabs some toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror rubbing it between her breast.  “How long will it take”, she ask?  He said, “They’ll grow larger over a period of years”.  She stopped and ask, “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breast will work”?  Without missing a beat he said, “Well it worked on your rear end didn’t it”.

He’s still alive, and with physical therapy he may learn to walk again.  Stupid man.

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9 hours ago, REBgp said:

A married lady fresh from a shower, stood in front of the mirror and complained to her husband that her breast were to small.  Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.  “If you want your breast to grow, then everyday take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.”  Her, willing to try anything, grabs some toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror rubbing it between her breast.  “How long will it take”, she ask?  He said, “They’ll grow larger over a period of years”.  She stopped and ask, “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breast will work”?  Without missing a beat he said, “Well it worked on your rear end didn’t it”.

He’s still alive, and with physical therapy he may learn to walk again.  Stupid man.

😆😆

OOOOOOOO.......I can't breath!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

😆😆

THAT is a STUPID MAN....should have told her No dear.......you look fine......let me get my "coke bottle glasses" and show you!!!!......OUCH......BA just Gibb's slapped me......well it works the other way....my eyes look HUGE when I wear my glasses!!!!!!

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4 hours ago, ManCaveDweller said:

😆😆

OOOOOOOO.......I can't breath!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

😆😆

THAT is a STUPID MAN....should have told her No dear.......you look fine......let me get my "coke bottle glasses" and show you!!!!......OUCH......BA just Gibb's slapped me......well it works the other way....my eyes look HUGE when I wear my glasses!!!!!!

Ironic, I’m watching Gibbs as I respond.  Them females are strange.  My BA, for instance, doesn’t trust me to pick out which color shirt to wear - then she’ll put on something and ask me if it goes together.  What :woot:!  Been married 50 years, I always say yes.  How do I look?  Great.  “Yes and great”, the only two words to say to your wife when ask a question.  :airquote:

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  • 4 months later...

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with 4 young mothers and their children.  “You all have obsessions”, he observed.

To the first mother, Alice, he said, “Your obsessed with eating.  You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”  He turned to the second mom, Ann, and said, “Your obsession is with money.  It manifest itself in your child’s name, Penny.”  He turned to the third mom, Joyce, “Your obsession is with alcohol.  It’s apparent because you need your child Brandy.”

At this point, the fourth mom, Mrs. Smith, quietly got up and took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on Dick, this guy obviously doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  Let’s pickup Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.”

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Three pregnant women are sitting in the waiting room at a gynecology office. They strike up a conversation.

The first lady says, "I'm having a boy, because when we conceived I was on bottom."

The second lady says, "Well, in that case, I'm having a girl, because when we conceived I was on top."

The third lady replies, "Does that mean I'm having puppies?"

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Two young ladies, and one old lady were sitting in a sauna.  Suddenly there was a beeping sound from one of the young ladies.  She pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped.  The other two looked at her inquiringly.  She said, “Oh, that was my pager.  I have a microchip inserted under the skin in my forearm”.  

A few minutes later, a phone rang.  The other young lady lifted her palm to her ear.  When she finished she explained, “That was my Mobil phone.  I had a microchip inserted in my hand”.

The old lady felt very low tech, and out of touch.  She was determined to come up with a plan to impress these young upstarts.  Then it came to her.  She quickly stepped out of the sauna and hurried to a bathroom.  She returned to the sauna with several sheets of toilet paper hanging out of her rear end.  The two young ladies pointed at the paper and said, “What is that”?  The old lady glanced around at the paper and said, “Well will you look at that.  I’m getting a fax”.

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