BluePirate Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Fivehead on MarvinRowe... "I think I may have spotted him earlier today. He's about 5'4", 320 lbs, 35-40 years old with thinning wavy blond hair. He was driving a Dodge Stratus with a Harry Potter bumper sticker and a rainbow license plate bracket. The back seat was full of discarded Taco Bell wrappers and there was a large jar of Vaseline and a pair of binoculars on the dash. His right arm seemed curiously overdeveloped. Keep an eye out for him. He'll probably be parked across the street from an elementary school." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bleeds Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 "One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Immortal13 Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 just needs a part added regarding the smell of man/goat love-making to make it complete! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePirate Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 Fivehead on justsomeone... "Here's something new, you flannel shirted, Birkenstock wearing Subaru jockey. It's women like you who have screwed up the lives of millions and millions of females who would rather stay at home and raise their children like women have done for millions and millions of years. You berate and belittle women who try to act like women and cause them to act like men because if they don't they aren't "fulfilled". You have ruined womanhood and you have ruined the American nuclear family. You have caused millions of men to turn gay rather than be subjected to a life with a shrill harpy like yourself. Now get your butt back in the kitchen and make me some biscuits, woman." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Immortal13 Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Fivehead on justsomeone... Here's something new, you flannel shirted, Birkenstock wearing Subaru jockey. It's women like you who have screwed up the lives of millions and millions of females who would rather stay at home and raise their children like women have done for millions and millions of years. You berate and belittle women who try to act like women and cause them to act like men because if they don't they aren't "fulfilled". You have ruined womanhood and you have ruined the American nuclear family. You have caused millions of men to turn gay rather than be subjected to a life with a shrill harpy like yourself. Now get your butt back in the kitchen and make me some biscuits, woman. now that's ownage right there!! Were your biscuits light and fluffy Five? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePirate Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 Fivehead on Sideliner... "By reading your posts and applying my college psycholgy training, I have developed a profile for you, probabaly not unlike the profile that your psychiatrist or the FBI has on file. You are 32 to 38 years old, caucasian, 5'7" to 5'9" tall, 300 to 380 lbs, a virgin, addicted to online games such as World of Warcraft, live either alone or with your mother, own several cats and work in a bookstore. You are a warped bitter twisted less famous version of Michael Moore. Did I get close?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePirate Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 Fivehead on Tiggerbacker... "Tiggerbacker Record of Failure: Masculinity - F Intelligence - F Common Sense - F Nose Picking - A+ Bedwetting - A+ JRowe Impersonation - A+" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePirate Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 Fivehead on Alan Colmes leaving Hannity and Colmes... "The search is on for the new "Ugliest Man on TV"." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePirate Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 Fivehead on Paula Deen... "Paula Deen talks at about 1/4 the speed of Rachael Ray, and still gets the job done. Plus, everything she cooks is GREAT. I love Paula Deen. I Tivo her show. Don't say anything bad about her again. It makes me feel sad." ^ One of my favorites. I actually laughed reading it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePirate Posted December 29, 2008 Author Share Posted December 29, 2008 Fivehead on Rockon1885... "I think you boys have been a little hard on Rockon. We need to have a little sympathy for him/her. I'm sure it's hard to maintain a realistic perspective while you play World of Warcraft 23 hours a day and fill the other hour with cleaning your retainer, gazing longingly at your Jonas Brothers poster collection, practicing the piccolo, applying your Proactive solution and weeping softly into your pillow. He/she is merely reaching out into our grown-up world to attempt to make his/her transition to adulthood as painless as possible with a minimum of beatings, lunch money theft and blistering ridicule aimed at him/her. We should try to help, not hurt." HA! :smirk: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HouTex Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Fivehead on Rockon1885... I think you boys have been a little hard on Rockon. We need to have a little sympathy for him/her. I'm sure it's hard to maintain a realistic perspective while you play World of Warcraft 23 hours a day and fill the other hour with cleaning your retainer, gazing longingly at your Jonas Brothers poster collection, practicing the piccolo, applying your Proactive solution and weeping softly into your pillow. He/she is merely reaching out into our grown-up world to attempt to make his/her transition to adulthood as painless as possible with a minimum of beatings, lunch money theft and blistering ridicule aimed at him/her. We should try to help, not hurt. HA! :smirk: There it is! Wondering when it would show up. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fivehead Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Thank you all for your kind attention. It was my original intent to become an author, but a desire to make enough money so I didn't starve to death overrode my desire to write. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USNDocOfMarines Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 ^ please don't abandon your dreams. Write a book! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bleeds Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 On defense of your home: "If anyone breaks into my house, I am going to do my very best to kill them stone dead. I wouldn't want them to get off on some technicality and victimize someone else." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePirate Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 ^ please don't abandon your dreams. Write a book! No kidding Five. I'd be the first in line to buy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bleeds Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 On trolls: "Consume feces and perish, JRowe." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DLine06 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Fivehead on Rockon1885... I think you boys have been a little hard on Rockon. We need to have a little sympathy for him/her. I'm sure it's hard to maintain a realistic perspective while you play World of Warcraft 23 hours a day and fill the other hour with cleaning your retainer, gazing longingly at your Jonas Brothers poster collection, practicing the piccolo, applying your Proactive solution and weeping softly into your pillow. He/she is merely reaching out into our grown-up world to attempt to make his/her transition to adulthood as painless as possible with a minimum of beatings, lunch money theft and blistering ridicule aimed at him/her. We should try to help, not hurt. HA! :smirk: Hey I used to play World of Warcraft. Geez; I'm so so glad I haven't been roasted :notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePirate Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Maybe you have... lemme look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePirate Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Fivehead on Katie Couric... "If you look deep into Katie Couric's eye's, you can see the flickering fires of hell. Try it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhino2K Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Fivehead.... SDC's voice of reason and common sense! :notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bleeds Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 On marriage and independence: "I have absolutely no control over my wife. She is an independent free thinker, as we all should be. That is why I admire and love her. On the other hand, Jane Fonda should be sandpapered and dunked in alcohol. Until dead." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DLine06 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 On marriage and independence: "I have absolutely no control over my wife. She is an independent free thinker, as we all should be. That is why I admire and love her. On the other hand, Jane Fonda should be sandpapered and dunked in alcohol. Until dead." Come on bleeds... alcohol on Fonda that's a waste. Try tarring and feathering and too add to it, boil her head in vinegar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bleeds Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 On sport utility vehicles: "I wouldn't have that pansymobile. My XTerra has heavy duty tires for crushing skulls and is covered in razor sharp spines. Poisonous spines." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medman7 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 This was an excellent thread to start. I always love to see Fivehead's 2cents on any subject. He can interject some serious humor into anything. Thanks for the laughs Fivehead and thanks for the reminders BP and Bleeds!!!! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePirate Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Fivehead on 21st birthdays... "Go to Las Vegas. Go buck wild. Come home and never speak of it again." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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