88YoePride

I swat jehovah's witlesses upside the face with a Satanic bible.

I bunjee jump with silly string.

My mouth says things my mind didn't think, but wishes it did.

I can make #### bubbles in the SHOWER.

I pee in the bath because I heard it kills bacteria.

My friends and I play mumbledypeg with darts.

I installed a heatlamp on my porch so when people bother me at night I can not invite them in, then they wake up in the morning wondering how they got a "sunburn".

When my friends and I started drinking back in the late 80s, the local Budweiser distributor actually sent a rep to our town to find out what was going on.

Mayonaisse is tha DEVUL! Now go play tha foosball wit yo' friendz.

While driving in rural Wyoming, I saw a road sign that read "Game Crossing", rather than "Deer Crossing", or "Livestock Crossing". In the next town, I purchased a Monopoly, a Connect Four, and a Candyland, drove back to the spot, threw them out on the pavement, and backed my truck over them a few times to make them look like roadkill.

I strictly adhere to the "No Tongue-piercing" Rule.

This one night I was in an apesuit trying to play a trick on my friends... Y'know what, I don't EVEN have room for that story.

What else ya wanna know?!