CarthDawg77 Posted July 30, 2017 Share Posted July 30, 2017 Forrest Gump was in Sunday School and the Teacher asked if anybody knew what God's name was. Little Forrest raises his hand and says "Andy." The Sunday School teacher asks him why he thought God's name was Andy? Well Little Forrest starts singing " Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me."🙄😩 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheShadowKnows Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Q: What does a Houston Texan fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?A: He turns off the PlayStation 3. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hagar Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 A big he-coon was terrorizing the area around Fontenot's place, and he never could find him. He called his buddy Thibodaux who had the best coon dog in the country. Thibodaux, he came over and brought that dog. He told Fontenot to get his 30-30. The dog immediately picked up that big he-coons scent and took off, with Fontenot and Thibodaux chasing after him. They finally heard when that dog had the coon treed. They came running up breathless to the tree. Thibodaux said, "Now Fontenot, I'm going to climb up in that tree, and get that coon out on a limb and shake it until he falls. When he hits the ground, the first thing that dog will do is bite that coons nads off, then he'll tear that coon up." Fontenot ask, "If that dog is gonna kill the coon, why'd I bring the 30-30"? Thibodaux said, "That's in case I fall outta that tree, you shoot that dad gum dog". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarthDawg77 Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 A big he-coon was terrorizing the area around Fontenot's place, and he never could find him. He called his buddy Thibodaux who had the best coon dog in the country. Thibodaux, he came over and brought that dog. He told Fontenot to get his 30-30. The dog immediately picked up that big he-coons scent and took off, with Fontenot and Thibodaux chasing after him. They finally heard when that dog had the coon treed. They came running up breathless to the tree. Thibodaux said, "Now Fontenot, I'm going to climb up in that tree, and get that coon out on a limb and shake it until he falls. When he hits the ground, the first thing that dog will do is bite that coons nads off, then he'll tear that coon up." Fontenot ask, "If that dog is gonna kill the coon, why'd I bring the 30-30"? Thibodaux said, "That's in case I fall outta that tree, you shoot that dad gum dog". 😜👍🏼 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheShadowKnows Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarthDawg77 Posted September 27, 2017 Share Posted September 27, 2017 I guess "WAND" was already taken.....😏 Water+Land... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stoney Posted October 4, 2017 Author Share Posted October 4, 2017 Was at the Whataburger in Gilmer today. Saw a clown opening the door for a older couple. I thought to myself, that sure was a nice jester. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarthDawg77 Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 Was at the Whataburger in Gilmer today. Saw a clown opening the door for a older couple. I thought to myself, that sure was a nice jester.🤡 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hagar Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Story best told with pencil and paper, but you'll get the idea. Teacher ask if any of the kids would like to come up to the blackboard and draw a picture depicting poverty. Judy raised her hand, so the teacher ask her up. She drew a circle and put a long rectangle in it with a smaller circle. Teacher ask what is was. Judy said a plate with one egg & one slice of bacon, that's poverty. Teach said ok, anyone else? Mary came up and drew a circle with a little circle in it.. Teach ask what it was and Mary said, a plate with one egg, that's poverty. Teach said ok, anyone else? Lil Johnny came up and drew a circle and drew all kinds of crisscrossed lines in it. Teach ask, what is that? Lil Johnny said, that's a hiney hole covered with cobwebs, that's poverty. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarthDawg77 Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Story best told with pencil and paper, but you'll get the idea. Teacher ask if any of the kids would like to come up to the blackboard and draw a picture depicting poverty. Judy raised her hand, so the teacher ask her up. She drew a circle and put a long rectangle in it with a smaller circle. Teacher ask what is was. Judy said a plate with one egg & one slice of bacon, that's poverty. Teach said ok, anyone else? Mary came up and drew a circle with a little circle in it.. Teach ask what it was and Mary said, a plate with one egg, that's poverty. Teach said ok, anyone else? Lil Johnny came up and drew a circle and drew all kinds of crisscrossed lines in it. Teach ask, what is that? Lil Johnny said, that's a hiney hole covered with cobwebs, that's poverty. I see you finally got around to posting the joke!......🤣 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hagar Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 If you are curious about who loves you more, your dog or your wife, lock them both in the trunk of your car for two hours. When you open it up, guess which one will be glad to see you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hagar Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 So a Priest and a Rabbi developed a friendship over the course of serving the same community for many years. One afternoon sitting on a park bench, the Priest says to the Rabbi, "I know this a deeply personal question, and it's okay if you aren't comfortable answering, but did you ever try eating pork?" The Rabbi looked down at the ground in shame and said, "yes.... to be completely honest, I once ordered a room service breakfast and it came with bacon. I was all alone, so I ate it." The Rabbi then ask his own question, "since we're revealing secrets here friend, did you ever sleep with a woman?" The Priest looks at the ground in shame and replies, "yes...I did...when I got out of the Seminary I was tempted by a young parishioner and in my weakness I gave in to temptation just that once". The Rabbi nodded to show he understood and says, "It sure beats the hell out of pork doesn't it". 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarthDawg77 Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 So a Priest and a Rabbi developed a friendship over the course of serving the same community for many years. One afternoon sitting on a park bench, the Priest says to the Rabbi, "I know this a deeply personal question, and it's okay if you aren't comfortable answering, but did you ever try eating pork?" The Rabbi looked down at the ground in shame and said, "yes.... to be completely honest, I once ordered a room service breakfast and it came with bacon. I was all alone, so I ate it." The Rabbi then ask his own question, "since we're revealing secrets here friend, did you ever sleep with a woman?" The Priest looks at the ground in shame and replies, "yes...I did...when I got out of the Seminary I was tempted by a young parishioner and in my weakness I gave in to temptation just that once". The Rabbi nodded to show he understood and says, "It sure beats the hell out of pork doesn't it". 😜 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stoney Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 Did y'all hear about the old man who choked on a viagra? Coroner said he died of a stiff neck. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stoney Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 Elderly husband gets a call from his wife to come home and see the new suit she bought. Husband gets home, opens the door to find his wife standing by the stairs naked in her birthday suit. Wife asks "well what do you think?" Husband says "They couldn't have ironed it first." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hagar Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 14 hours ago, stoneykelly said: Elderly husband gets a call from his wife to come home and see the new suit she bought. Husband gets home, opens the door to find his wife standing by the stairs naked in her birthday suit. Wife asks "well what do you think?" Husband says "They couldn't have ironed it first." Lol, yesterday I was out running chores and I think it was Glenn Beck was telling this news story of a young man breaking into a home. The owner, a 91 year old woman, heard the noise and jumped out of bed completely naked. The young man looked at her and took off. Lmbo, what a gentleman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hagar Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 The Russian maid, Anna, had just ask the wife of the affluent family for a pay raise. The Wife was very upset about about this, thinking Anna was well compensated, so they sit down so they could talk about this. Wife: Now Anna, why do you want a pay raise? Anna: Well ma'am, der are tree reasons I want a raise. Da first reason is I'm cleaning better than you. Wife: Who said you're cleaning better than me? Anna:. Your husband say so. Wife: Oh really! Anna: The second reason, I'm a better cook dan you. Wife: Don't talk nonsense. Who said you cook better than me? Anna: Your husband. He say so. Wife, increasingly angry: Oh he did, did he! Anna: Yes. And the third reason is I am better with the sex than you in the bed. Wife, really boiling now, through gritted teeth ask:. Did my husband say that as well? Anna: No Ma'am, the gardener did. Wife: Oh, so how much do you want? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarthDawg77 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Good one, Sir; That one goes in "the file".... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monte1076 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 A kid sits on Santa's lap, and after telling Santa what he wants, he asks "Santa, why do you say 'Ho, Ho, Ho'?"To which Santa replies, "That's easy, little boy. Prostitutes charge. Hos are free." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monte1076 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Do you know why all the marijuana users in Colorado and California like noon the best? Because all the big clocks go "bong, bong, bong..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManCaveDweller Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 OK boys...here goes.....Billy had been married for a long time and wanted to "spice" things up in the bedroom but didn't know what to do.....so he went to his friend Bubba who was the "lady killer" of the town...and asked him what HE did to "rile up the women".....Bubba said....well I take out 'OL blue" and hit it three times on the bedpost before I go to bed.....Billy said ...and THAT riles up the women.....Bubba said...I gar--un-tee it....Soooooo Billy goes home and waits for his wife to go to bed.......she does and Billy slips into the bed room....slips out Ol Blue....and Whack Whack Whack.......wife sits ups and says...BUBBA is that you???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManCaveDweller Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 On 7/29/2017 at 6:24 AM, REBgp said: One Sunday morning, the Pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the Church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and had small American flags mounted on each side of it. The six year old had been staring at it for some time, so the Pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good Morning Alex." "Good morning Pastor", he replied still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" The Pastor said, "Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together staring at the plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice barely audible, and trembling with fear asked, "Which service Pastor, the 8:00 or the 10:30?" Poor little Rex the preacher's son was a small child that chewed parrifin (wax)....and he was VERY embassared about it BUT it was an obsession....one day his father caught him chewing the stuff and he told Rex that if he didn't stop it that he would tell the Whole congregation about it......Rex was terrified...BUT just couldn't stop.......one Sunday night the preacher was sick and missed the night service.......after services....Rex came BLASTING IN THE HOUSE....yelling and screaming.....WHY DID YOU TELL THE WHOLE CONGREGATION about me chewing paraffin??????....his father was stunned and said "son I haven't said a word.....YES YOU DID!!!!!.....how is that Rex.......THE WHOLE CHURCH WAS SINGING ABOUT IT............... Rex chews the Parrifin.....cares for the dying......(rescue the perishing) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monte1076 Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Where do mathematicians go on weekends? To a Möbius strip club! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MUSTANGMANIA Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel on his zipper. So the bartender says, "hey mate do you know you have a steering wheel on your zipper?". The pirate replies, "Arrr yes, it's driving me nuts". 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManCaveDweller Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 An Aggie is given a math test.......his 9's...he is sweating bullets......he can't remember ANYTHING about his 9's...he knows 1 x its self is that number so 9...but he can't remember anything else about his 9's...so he counts how many he is going to miss on the test 9x2=1 8 9x3=2 7 9x4=3 6 9x5=4 5 9x6=5 4 9x7=6 3 9x8=7 2 9x9=8 1 then he tries again and STILL can't remember anything so he recounts how many he will miss on the test.........??? I know CORNY....CORNY....but gets those Aggies ALL riled up!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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