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Did Y'all Hear....


Stoney

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Teacher ask the class to use fascinate in a sentence.

Sally raised her hand & went first: We went to my uncle's farm and saw goats, it was fascinating.

Teacher: That's good Sally, but I ask you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating.

Molly raised her hand: Our family went to rock city and we were fascinated.

Teacher, again: That's good to Molly, but I ask you to use the word fascinate, not fascinated.

All the kids were reluctant to raise their hands now, except little Johnny, but the teacher knew she had been burned by little Johnny before, but surely even little Johnny couldn't burn her with fascinate, so she called on him.

Little Johnny said: My aunt got a new sweater with 10 buttons, but her breast are so big she can only fasten eight.

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Three drunks got into a taxi.

The taxi driver knew they were hammered, so he started the engine, then stopped it again & told the drunks, "Ok fellas, we have reached your destination."

 

The first drunk hands the driver money & gets out.

The second drunk says, "Thank you, sir & also exits the cab.

The third drunk reaches up & slaps the driver, who thinks the third drunk has wised up to him & asks, Hey! What was That for???"

The third drunk then says, " Slow down fella, you damn near Killed us!"

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Three nuns got pulled over for speeding. Officer walks up to the car and notices the nun in the back seat is pale and gripping the back of the drivers seat. The officer asks the driver "You do realize you were going 80 in a 60, right?"

Nun says "No officer. Just running the speed limit." And she points to a sign on the road.

Officer replies back " Ma'am, you do realize that's a road sign for Highway 80 and not a speed limit sign right?"

The nun says " oh really, my eye sight must be getting bad."

The officer asks the nun about the nun in the back seat, if she was alright?

The nun says she's fine. She's just been like that ever since Highway 135!!!

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  • 1 month later...

Four truths of religion today:

 

1- Muslims don't recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2- Jews don't recognize Jesus Christ as the Messiah

3- Protestants don't recognize The Pope as leader of the Christian world

4- Baptist don't recognize each other at Hooters

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Moses, Jesus, and an old man were playing golf. They come to a par 3 with a large pond in front of the green. Moses had the honors so he teed off first and his shot went in the water. He gets to the pond and holds his arms out. The water parted. He walks down, pitches up on the green and makes his par. Then Jesus teed off and hit a low worn burner that bounced several times and rolled on top of the pond. He walks out on the water, pitches up and makes his par. The old man hits his tee shot into the pond. As the ball descends a bass grabs it in his mouth. As he swims off, an eagle swoops down and grabs the bass and then drops him on the green. The ball pops out of the basses mouth and rolls into the cup for a hole in one. Jesus turns around and says, "Nice shot Dad".

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Moses, Jesus, and an old man were playing golf. They come to a par 3 with a large pond in front of the green. Moses had the honors so he teed off first and his shot went in the water. He gets to the pond and holds his arms out. The water parted. He walks down, pitches up on the green and makes his par. Then Jesus teed off and hit a low worn burner that bounced several times and rolled on top of the pond. He walks out on the water, pitches up and makes his par. The old man hits his tee shot into the pond. As the ball descends a bass grabs it in his mouth. As he swims off, an eagle swoops down and grabs the bass and then drops him on the green. The ball pops out of the basses mouth and rolls into the cup for a hole in one. Jesus turns around and says, "Nice shot Dad".

👏🏼👍🏼👌
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One Sunday morning, the Pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the Church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and had small American flags mounted on each side of it. The six year old had been staring at it for some time, so the Pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good Morning Alex."

"Good morning Pastor", he replied still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?"

The Pastor said, "Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together staring at the plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice barely audible, and trembling with fear asked, "Which service Pastor, the 8:00 or the 10:30?"

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One Sunday morning, the Pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the Church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and had small American flags mounted on each side of it. The six year old had been staring at it for some time, so the Pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good Morning Alex."

"Good morning Pastor", he replied still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?"

The Pastor said, "Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together staring at the plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice barely audible, and trembling with fear asked, "Which service Pastor, the 8:00 or the 10:30?"

🤣
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Forrest Gump was in Sunday School and the Teacher asked if anybody knew what God's name was. Little Forrest raises his hand and says "Andy." The Sunday School teacher asks him why he thought God's name was Andy? Well Little Forrest starts singing " Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me."

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