The Folly of trying to Control Others

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The Folly of Trying to Control Others

 

We are plainly told in the Bible that we are to mind our own business. While we are told that we should seek to help those who need it, we are also shown that we should not jump in and interfere with other people’s business. We should not meddle in theirs but take care of our own. 

Proverbs 26: 17

I Peter 4: 15

 

Some people carry their meddling so far as to try to control the lives of other people. This lesson will attempt to point out the ungodliness and sinful consequences of trying to control other people. Hopefully, by the end of the lesson, we will understand the spiritual dangers involved in seeking to control other people and take the necessary steps to stop or avoid such behavior. Let’s begin by seeing something Paul wrote.

Philippians 2: 3 - 4

 

Here Paul gives us an overview of what the Christian’s attitude toward other people is supposed to be. Notice that the first thing he removes from the relationship is selfish ambition and pride. Pride is the root cause of all of our relationship problems. Instead of being prideful,  what we need to do is to esteem others better than ourselves. We need to look out for the true needs of others.

 

That being said, we live in a world that seeks to control others. How many of us have had fellow employees talk to the boss about us to get us to change our behavior without talking to us first? How many people desire to change other people, not by talking to them, but by approaching someone else who we think can “change” them? How many of us have been manipulated to do something that we don’t want to do by a controlling individual? We live in a controlling culture.The attitude of many people is that “If you don’t do what I want you to do, I will sue you and make the government make you do it!”

 

As we are about to see, these are sinful attitudes and behaviors.

 

Trying to control other people is not what Jesus desires of us. 

Luke 22: 24 - 27

 

The disciples desired power. Why? To control others. Jesus said that this was not the right attitude. Jesus does not want us to have power over other people; He wants us to serve. In fact, controlling another person is really an impossible task. No one can control another person. We can only control ourselves, and some people can’t even do THAT very well. Think about the number of relationships that are involved. Paul said he only wanted God’s approval

Galatians 1: 10

 

At the root of our desire to control others is a desire to change them. Even Jesus did not try to change someone who didn’t want to change. Look at the rich young ruler.

Mark 10: 17 -22

 

This young man was given a choice. He was not given orders that he was forced to follow. The choice was his. He made the wrong one, but that’s his business, as demonstrated by Jesus. 

 

Trying to control other people makes us unholy.  To be holy means to be set apart from the world and its affairs. When we seek to control others, we are investing ourselves in worldly affairs. Consider Paul’s words to the Corinthians about taking their brother to court.

1 Corinthians 6:1-8

 

We must be holy as God is holy.

I Peter 1: 15

 

God doesn’t forcibly seek to control us, and we should not seek to control others. 

 

Trying to control others is irresponsible. It puts us in the position of always trying to get someone else to be responsible. This distracts us from being responsible for ourselves.  Consider the Pharisees' attitude.

Matthew 15:1-9

They wanted to control others and not be responsible for their own actions.

 

Trying to control others is a failure at self control. When we are distracted from being responsible for ourselves, we lose our own self-control. We should be focusing on controlling ourselves instead of controlling others. The most difficult aspect of this is not controlling our physical self, but our spiritual self. This is what Jesus meant when He said that our sins come from within, from the heart.

Matthew 15: 10 - 20

 

Self-control is one of the fruits of the spirit. 

Galatians 5: 22 - 23

 

Self control is one of the Christian graces.

II Peter 1: 5 - 7

 

Trying to control others is also depressing. This is because we are trying to do something that is impossible. It makes us feel like we are out of control. This leads to a sense of helplessness ultimately ending in depression because people just do not seem to do what you want them to do. If we let go of our desire to control others, and focus on self, we will feel empowered. This will help us feel like we are in control of ourselves and depression will fade. 

 

We must take responsibility for our own lives.

II Corinthians 7: 9 - 10

 

Trying to control others is hypocritical. We will become a hypocrite for practicing the same things that we seek to change in them.  Paul discussed this.

Romans 2:17-24

 

Trying to control others leads to a confusion of identity. We seek to control others because of some identity that we wish them to have. We actually are trying to get them to be something that they are not. This is because we are trying to be something that we are not. The Pharisees were experts at this. They wanted everyone to be like them! So they sought to control people through stringent traditions of men. We will not realize our identity until we stop trying to control others and put our faith in Jesus.

Galatians 2: 20

 

We don’t want to control others. We must recognize this desire for what it is, and let it go. Instead, let’s love them for who they are, persons created in God’s image.